Despite the fact that I got over my exes, I never really let them go. They will forever be a part of me. I will always care about them even long after they stop caring about me. That’s just my nature. I have a bit of an askew notion towards exes. I really mean it when I say I want to be friends. It’s hard for me to really let go of people. Every person that has been in my life takes a little piece of me with them when they leave. I’m a sentimental sucker and people who are no longer in my life have the ability to tug at my heartstrings. It doesn’t mean I want to be with them. It’s just hard for me to accept that someone who was once a big part of my life basically doesn’t exist anymore.
They say everything happens for a reason. I tend to doubt this theory, especially when I’m reeling from a failed relationship. I wonder what the purpose was for having that person cross my path. I think maybe I’ve gotten it all wrong. They were not in my life for a reason. Maybe I was in their life for a reason. They were destined to meet me and learn some important lessons. I was the catalyst for their happily ever after.
I don’t believe that love dies. I may fall out of love with someone, but I still have love for them. They were a significant part of my life which means they’ll always be in my heart. I will always care for them, wish the best for them, and hope that they will remain in my life. I don’t want to experience awkwardness should we ever pass by each other on the street. I want to see their smile when they spot me and reach for a friendly hug and tell me all about how they’re doing. If I were to completely cut every ex-boyfriend out of my life, I would miss out on knowing some great people. Just because someone is a bad boyfriend for me doesn’t mean that they are a bad person. The world is already so full of hate…why are we so quick to stop caring?
Isn’t it funny when you find yourself talking to an ex and feeling absolutely nothing but amused? Amused because this is the guy you once thought was The One. The One you were going to marry. The One you would have done anything for if asked. Kill a man? Done. Before he could tell you why, you’ve already found the most secluded area to dump the body. It’s funny because you can’t remember just when you stopped feeling so intensely. It didn’t happen overnight, but once you realized that you were over him, it seemed to happen so suddenly. As if a thief in the night came into your home and stole them from you. All you can do is laugh about it. You remember when you swore that you would never get over him. It seemed impossible. And now here you are, conversing with him, catching up, not feeling pain. And you can actually see being (dare I say?) friends with him. Isn’t that funny?
After all this time, I’m still heartbroken. I’m completely over him, but it still hurts when I think about the situation. He didn’t just break my heart…he demolished it. I was the idiot who gave him that power though. I kept going back to him over and over again. I guess I’m an emotional masochist. Every time we would get back together, he would swear that he would never hurt me again. And I knew he was full of shit every single time, but I took him back anyway. I knew he would hurt me again. I loved him so much that I was willing to set myself up for a big fall. And it hurt just as much the first time. Knowing that it was going to happen didn’t make it hurt any less. You can mentally brace yourself, but when it comes down to it, it’s still going to hurt like hell. Or maybe it hurt because deep down I am a bit of an optimist and I was hoping that he would prove me wrong by being faithful. I don’t regret being with him because it helped shape my character. I learned a lot about myself. Like how far I would go for someone I love. That I’m very forgiving….sometimes to a fault. But most importantly I learned that I need to have more respect for myself. To never again allow someone to disrespect me like that. To never again give my heart to someone who will be careless with it.